tips on football

Silent Football is a group game componing of three major elements: Football, the Quiet Game, and Parlamentary Procedure, consisting mainly of the passing of an imaginary football. Silent Football requires little set up: only a quiet space with room enough for three or more players to form a circle, allowing each player to see each other players.
In the variations of Silent Football that result in a "loser," One loses by the accumulation of a set number of penance points (set by the Dictator at the beginning of the game (usually 3, 5 or 10).
All players are arranged in a circle, and one player is selected to be "Mr Commissioner", or the Dictator. The Commissioner runs the game, does the majority of the talking, and realistically does whatever he or she cares to, including creating, altering, or removing rules. The Commissioner may arbitrarily force players to do (or to not do) any action. Th other players are often called "Misters," because in this variation, all of the players are addressed as "Mr.(insert full first name)," regardless of gender. For instance a player named Jenny would be addressed as "Mr Jennifer."
Once everyone is arranged, the Commissioner must clear any misunderstandings about the rules with either his own interpretation or arbitrary legislation. In some silent football communities, teaching the basic rules of the game is forbidden. New/prospective players must play/watch a round to learn the rules in those communities, however there is also a fifteen minute rule, which forbids outsiders to watch for more than fifteen minutes, after which time the offending outsider must either join or leave.
The Quiet Game aspect prohibits any player from making any noise including laughter, talking, movement, chewing, slirping, etc. Only the commissioner may speak, though never laugh or make any other noise, just like the other players. The only sounds allowed and encouraged are bodily functions including the cough, sneeze, burp, and fart. However each of these sounds must be covered by a high pitched "Woop." For instance, should a player cough twice, he must follow the noise with two woops, three sneezes would result in three woops, and so on. Even Silent-But-Deadly bodily functions MUST be followed by a quiet "Woop" in order to warn the other playersThe first offensive move is called the Fwap.(Also known as a Thwack or Thwap) One performs a fwap by hitting one's knees in combinations of right knee and left knee. One must hit their right knee with their right hand and their left knee with their left hand. Doing otherwise is called a cross fwap, for which a player may receive Penance Points.
Every hit of the right knee moves the Silent Football a space to the right. Every hit of the left knee moves the Silent Football one space to the left. One may hit their knees in any combination of rights and lefts with a few restrictions.
At no time may the Silent Football exceed 3 spaces to the right or left of a player. At no time may one pass the Silent Football to or through oneself. This is called a Cold Rush of Air. If one receives the Silent Football from a fwap, a player may not change the direction of said fwap. A player may fwap a fwap, but no player may fwap a fwapped fwap. The second offensive move is called the Smeab. The Smeab is performed by extending your right hand in a cup and making eye contact with the player to whom you wish to smeab. The player with whom you make eye contact is passed the silent football. The cuped hand does not indicate direction. A variation on this move is performed by putting your right hand by your right ear, and putting your nose in the crook of that elbow (Classic Smeab). The elbow must point towards the person to whom one is smeabing, and eye contact must also be made. According to some, you cannot smeab the ball to the person right next to you.
A player may smeab a smeab, but a player may not smeab a smeabed smeb The player receiving a smeab is determined by eye contact, not by the fist. If Player 1 were to smeab the football to Player 2, Player 1 would have to make eye contact with Player 2, but not necessarily have the fist pointed towards them (it can be pointed at other players to confuse them). The first defensive move is the Shrug. The shrug is performed just as the name implies: one raises one's shoulders. The shrug passes the Silent Football back to the player who passed it.
One may shrug a shrug, but one may never shrug a shrugged shrug. In some cases the Commissioner may request that the shrug is accompanied with a kiss to the air, directed toward the person being shrugged or to nothing in particular. The Shrug is not always used in a game of Silent Football. When the Commissioner is ready to begin the game the Commissioner simply says, "Customary Tip of the Hat," after which everyone repeats "Customary Tip of the Hat" and tips their (imaginary) hats. Another variation is "Hats off," after which all players remove imaginary hats and place them in the center of the circle.
Then, the Commissioner may take the "Customary Shroop," [or Schwoop, Shroom,or Sloop] after which everyone repeats "Customary Shroop" [or "Customary Schwoop", "Customary Shroom", or "Customary Sloop"] and takes an imaginary drink from an imaginary, or real if circumstance permits, drinking vessel. Beverages and snacks can exist within the circle; this helps keep games going for hours.
The Commissioner can then add any more Customaries s/he desires, and the group should repeat them as appropriate. When the Commissioner feels enough Customaries have been spoken, the Commissioner Fwaps or Zooms the ball to someone, beginning the Sacred Silent Football motion.
Additionally, the words "The rules are in effect, the ball is now in play" or "Let's play ball" may be said before the ball is moved.
In many forms of Silent Football, the commissioner cannot accuse anyone of an infraction, therefore it is left to the players, to inform the commissioner when an error has been made. If a player notices any other player (including the commissioner) break one of the rules of Silent Football, that player may raise his hand to inform The Commissioner of the rule breaking. The commonly accepted procedure for tattling follows:
The first player raises his hand Before tattling may begin, the hand must be obviously recognized by The Dictator. The Dictator may ignore a hand indefinitely. The tattling must begin by formally addressing the Dictator. The player then may tattle, minding the restrictions on speech. Silent Football is a group game componing of three major elements: Football, the Quiet Game, and Parlamentary Procedure, consisting mainly of the passing of an imaginary football. Silent Football requires little set up: only a quiet space with room enough for three or more players to form a circle, allowing each player to see each other players.
In the variations of Silent Football that result in a "loser," One loses by the accumulation of a set number of penance points (set by the Dictator at the beginning of the game (usually 3, 5 or 10).
All players are arranged in a circle, and one player is selected to be "Mr Commissioner", or the Dictator. The Commissioner runs the game, does the majority of the talking, and realistically does whatever he or she cares to, including creating, altering, or removing rules. The Commissioner may arbitrarily force players to do (or to not do) any action. Th other players are often called "Misters," because in this variation, all of the players are addressed as "Mr.(insert full first name)," regardless of gender. For instance a player named Jenny would be addressed as "Mr Jennifer."
Once everyone is arranged, the Commissioner must clear any misunderstandings about the rules with either his own interpretation or arbitrary legislation. In some silent football communities, teaching the basic rules of the game is forbidden. New/prospective players must play/watch a round to learn the rules in those communities, however there is also a fifteen minute rule, which forbids outsiders to watch for more than fifteen minutes, after which time the offending outsider must either join or leave.